Small Talk 101
- Jackie Vermeulen
- Nov 8, 2016
- 3 min read
You get into an elevator alone and as the doors are closing, someone calls and asks you to hold the doors. It’s your boss’s boss. Eek. Or you are walking out of a store and you run into what’s-their-name—the person you know, but don’t really know. Did they see you? They did. And those times you are walking stride-for-stride with a member of your team on your way to a meeting. No avoiding this.
You know you can’t pretend like you don’t see them. You have to make… small talk.
Crap.
First things first, don’t panic. They can smell fear.
Here’s what to do instead: forget about yourself. Think about the other person and how you can make them feel comfortable.
1. Smile genuinely and say hello. Shake hands if appropriate.
2. Introduce or reintroduce yourself. Remember, you’re trying to make them feel comfortable, and few things are more uncomfortable than forgetting someone’s name. Speaking of which… reintroducing yourself will likely prompt him to reintroduce himself if you happen to forget.
If you know them, say how you’re connected. “I’m a financial analyst on Joe’s team.” Or “I’m Adam’s mom.”
And if you don’t remember how you know this person, it’s okay to admit it if it’s not a business-client relationship; “My mind just completely blanked. I can’t pinpoint where I know you from.”
3. Start with the classic “how are you?”. You might get a one-word answer in return with a polite reciprocation. Reply something agreeable: good, fine, great. Then continue the conversation.
4. Remember, think about them. Lead with questions so they don’t have to come up with one on the spot. Try to head in a direction you know about so you’re not left without anything to say.
“Do you have any plans for the weekend?”
“I just saw the email about the team happy hour. Do you think you’ll go?”
“Have you been to the Thai place around the corner? We just went the other night.”
5. Now here’s your chance to be a small talk master. Listen intently. Show interest. And THEN formulate your genuine response.
“That sounds like fun. My girlfriend and I were talking about going there someday. Do you have any recommendations?”
“I haven’t decided yet either. Have you ever been to the place?”
“You should try it one day. I’m always looking for new restaurants in the area. Do you have any favorites?”
Repeat. And keep it light; no time for inspiring a deep heart-to-heart here.
7. And when it comes time to end the conversation: Smile and tell her how nice it was to see her. If it’s your first time meeting, say “It was so nice to meet you, (name).” Including their name will give them the feels.
If you run into the less-than-desirable situation where you say goodbye and find out you’re heading in the same direction, laugh about it and continue the conversation by asking another question.
If you’re not up for more small talk, say your intention of hanging back or speeding ahead.
“I would love to chat more since we’re heading in the same direction, but I have to hurry so I can run by the store before picking up the kids.”
“I’m meeting some friends for dinner soon, so I have to run.”
“I would love to spend more time chatting with you, but I’m going to hang back for a minute to send a quick email.”
Small talk is just polite conversation that doesn’t get too serious. It’s cordial and gives you a chance to make a lasting impression.
Me? I’m actually a fan of the cliché weather chat. There’s just something comforting for everyone bonding over the disdain of the cold weather or the joy of a sunny afternoon.
Speaking of which, it’s a beautiful day here, and I’m going to head out and spend some time in the fresh air. Thanks for stopping by! See you again soon!
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Jackie Vermeulen is the founder of The Career Mint. She works closely with the mentors and some off-site experts to address the hard-hitting career topics in articles like the one you’re reading now.
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